it starts with our perfect day
by riclynshea
Summary: post eclipse; after bella is left at the alter, heart broken... she turns to Mike. How will Bella take is when Mike gets aggresive, Will Edward's return make everything better? or worse? ok, im really bad at this. PLEASE READ :D
1. our perfect day

Writer's note:

I do not own these characters, or the books "twilight" "new moon" or "eclipse"

This is for fun only.

And I'm sorry for any typos, I'm sure there will be a lot. lol

Chapter one - the wedding.

It was the perfect day, no doubt about that. Of course, I had been nervous the whole week before, but who wouldn't be? I was worried that Alice would go overboard, but she surprised me. Everything was perfect. My dress was simple, solid white, strapless, clinging to what little curves I had. The church was little; I was glad Alice listened to me and didn't invite the whole town. By the end of the day I would be Mrs. Cullen, he had no idea how good those words started to sound to me. At first, I really didn't understand why we had to get married, of course I was his for eternity, but Edward wanted this and I wanted to give this to him. After a while of thinking I grew more excited about being married to him. This was our day, and nothing would ruin it.

I was around the corner waiting for the music. That would be my cue to start walking, and with Alice in front of me and Charlie beside me I felt more alive than ever. I was waiting impatiently when Charlie turned to me.

"Bella, I know you probably won't change your mind about doing this, but just in case if you want to back out of this... just squeeze my hand," he said with a serious face.

I couldn't help but smile; Charlie has taken our news very well. I was proud of him for holding up the way he did.

"Don't count on it." I said with a smile across my face.

I heard him sigh and then Alice turned to look at me.

"Almost time!" she said with a big smile and turned back around listening for our cue.

That's when the butterflies came, but they felt more like giant moth things... but this was the least of my worries.

Something didn't feel right.

The music began to play; Alice was already around the corner making her way to the altar.

I took one step forward, and that's when I heard it. Everyone walk talking; something was wrong.

Charlie turned to me. "Bella stay here for a second." He could see the alarm in my eyes.

Alice was already making her way around the corner, her face twisted with panic.

"Bella! Bella! I'm so sorry..." she cried.

I couldn't say anything. I didn't know what was happing... and I didn't want to know. This was supposed to be our day.

"Edward is gone..." the words fell out of her mouth like bricks hitting me in the chest.

My heart felt like it hit the floor. The tears where swelling in my eyes.

Alice wrapped her arms around me. "I'm sorry Bella... I'm so sorry! I didn't see him leaving until it was too late! "

I wasn't hugging her back; I just stood there in shock. Mascara was everywhere. Last night he had snuck into my room, despite Alice's demands. Last night he gave me what I'd been waiting for. Last night I lost my virginity to Edward Cullen. He told me he was tired of waiting, and that he wanted to give himself to me every way possible. Why... Why would he do this... why would he make love to me... just to leave me at the altar?

By this time, Alice had let go of me and was look into my vacant eyes. I fell to the floor, I couldn't help it. The watering in my eyes had turned into full blown sobbing. Alice leaned down and kissed my forehead.

"Bella, I have to go find Edward."

I looked up to try to make out Alice's face; it was hard to see because of all the tears. I noticed Charlie was walking toward me.

"Bella... honey..." he didn't know what to say.

He turned his head to look at Alice. "Tell your brother, Edward... that he better not step a foot in this town." he shouted.

Alice knew Charlie wasn't yelling at her. She nodded and shot one more glance at me then headed for the door. Charlie bent down and picked me up into his arms. Before I knew it, I was laying on my bed, still in my wedding dress, the pillow salted with tears. I had to get up; I couldn't stand to be in this wedding dress any longer. I took off the dress and trudged back into the bedroom. I was stunned by who I saw there.


	2. the letter

Bella's POV

chapter two - The letter.

"Alice?" i said walking over to the bed.

She was sitting on the bed facing the window, holding something in her hand.

"Bella, Edward is gone..." she said without moving her head to look at me. I could tell she was trying to make this easiest as possible.

i sighed. that's all i could do at this point.

"He wanted me to give you this." She handed me a piece of paper, still not looking me in the eye.

i read the letter carefully.

Bella,

i know you hate me by know, don't worry...

i'll stay away from you.

please be safe.

As soon as i finished the letter, the tears came again... i didn't know it was possible to cry this much. I was starting to get a headache.The words he wrote started to sink in, and i was starting to get pissed.

"...i don't get it.." i said in a whipser.

Alice sighed.

"I DON'T GET IT, ALICE!" i started to yell while the tears flowed freely.

It was a good thing Charlie went back to the church; he had a lot of explaining to do.

"Bella..." she was about to start talking but i cut her off.

"ALICE HOW COULD HE DO THIS?! ...HE SAID HE LOVED ME! HE SAID FOREVER! HOW COULD HE COME HERE THE BEFORE THE WEDDING...MAKE LOVE TO ME AND THEN LEAVE ME AT THE ALTER!!" I shouted at her. With tears running everywhere i started to hyperventilate.

I felt so pathedic. Alice stared at me in confusion, she must have not seen what happened between Edward and I the night before the wedding. She quickly threw her arms around me.

"...I don't know Bella, But i promise I will find him for you. Do you want to write a letter so when i do find...i can give it to me?" she said, i knew she was tring to be helpful, but i felt like i was about to passout.

"Breathe Bella breathe. Everything will be fine!" She continued when she noticed I was hyperventilating.

I got a walked into the bathroom and picked up the dress. I walked back into the bedroom and threw it at alice.

"No, just give him this... Tell him i don't need it anymore..." I said, I was trying to be strong.

He promised last time that he would never leave again, maybe he never did love me... maybe I was just some obsession he got over.

Alice looked down at the dress, that was now laying on her lap. She took a deep breath; It wasn't like she needed it. I walked around the bed and set beside alice. She looked like she wanted to cry, even if she could, I think I was doing enough for the both of us.

"Bella, I'm sorry again... I really am." She sighed "But I really have to leave, no telling what Edward is doing to himself."

She turned to me and gave me a hug. "I'll check on you soon."

"Bye." That's all i could say. I looked down at my hands in my lap and when i looked back up the wedding dress and Alice where gone.

I laid back down on my bed and started to cry once more.

ALICE POV

i cannot believe he did this to her, leaving her like like that. He could have sone it in a more suddle way, but no... AT THE ALTER. How cruel can one person be?! I hope he feels horrible, he should! Poor Bella, I wish i could have stayed with her; it prolly would have just made it worse on her. I need to find Edward... there is no telling what he is getting himself into. I just don't understand... He had everything he wanted.

He had Bella; He was going to marry her! Why would he turn his back on everything he ever wanted? To top things off, he had sex with her! What was he thinking... if he was going to leave her, didn't he know that would only make things worse. I hope Bella doesn't turn to that dog to comfort her.

I should have stayed with her... She's my sister...

By this time I was already in the car with jasper on our way to meet Esme and Emmett to go looking for Edward.


	3. finding Edward

CHAPTER THREE.

ALICE POV.

A month has gone by and we have tracked Edward to the south part of Alaska. We rented a house here, we had no idea how long it would take us to find edward... none of us where really good at tracking. Everyone else was at home, taking a break from all the tracking we where doing. I decided to go for a drive; i needed to clear my head. My visions weren't working very well, maybe because of all the stress to try to find Edward. I wasn't seeing anything, and that was a big problem. I was afraid Bella might hurt herself and i wouldn't have any way of knowing. I glanced on the back seat, Bella's wedding dress was still there. It had looked so beautiful on her. I sighed, to bad Edward will never see her wear it. Even with the mascara strains from her eyes, she still looked beautiful lying in the hallway. Then that's when i saw something, A silver Volvo driving right past me as i set at a stop sign. It was Edward! He looked like he was doing a math problem in his head. He must be blocking everything out... otherwise he would have noticed me.

As soon as the car passed, i had a vision. It was of Edward, pulling into an apartment complex. I knew where was staying. I had an internal battle weather just to go see Edward myself and talk to him one on one or, go get the rest of the family and we ambush him. I went with my gutt feeling and headed to the apartment complex. As I pulled into the parking lot, i was furious. I quickly grabbed Bella's wedding dress and ran up the stairs. Usually I would never raise my voice at Edward, but he hurt Bella, my sister. He needed to feel bad. If he was paying attention, he knew i was about to walk in.

I opened the door, the place was dark. It didn't have any furniture ony a grand piano. I closed the door behind me. We were in the darkness again, but it didn't bother me. I could see just as well in the light.

"Hey Alice..." he said in a sad voice looking a little suprised.

"I have something for you..." I said while he messed with a key on the piano, not facing me yet.

I threw the wedding dress at him. I have never been this mad at Edward before, but he needed it! He needed to know how much pain he caused her.

"She said she didn't need it anymore." i said with a mean voice.

He looked down at the dress that was laying on his la. He looked up to meet my gaze, his face twisted with pain. As soon as i said it, I regretted it. He was in just as much pain as her. I sighed, and then walked over to the bench he was sitting on and took at set in front of the grand piano.

"why..." I began "-I want to know why you left her like that?" I said looking at his face.

"You where so happy. You where getting married! About to start ur life together...I just don't understand, do you remeber any of the promised you made her? She's devastated Edward." I was pledding for an answer.

He sighed, and i knew if he could cry... he would be right now.

"I don't know, I just got so sceared. Alice, she diserves better..." he said, and i interrupted him.

"Why in the world would you go and make love to her and than turn around and leave her at the alter!" i was trying not to shout.

"I wanted to leave her with somthing special; I wanted us to share something special before i left... i guess i just made things worse." he said with a sigh, not looking up from his stair at the piano.

"Yea..." honestly i was ashamed of Edward. He had to much pride to even relize that leaving Bella wasn't in her best interest.

" Alice I love her, and i can't do this to her. I can't damn her." He must have read my mind.

" EDWARD, WHY CAN'T YOU JUST GRASP THE FACT THAT YOU AND HER BELONG TOGETHER, AND SHE WILL STILL END UP BEING A VAMPIRE, HER FURTURE HASN'T CHANGED SENCE YOU LEFT... AGAIN!" I was trying not to yell but I was extremely aggervated. This was the same reason why he left last time, what makes him think he can stay away this time...

Edward put his head into his hands and started to mumble something.

"I have to stay away, I've ruined everything. She won't forgive me. I have broken too many promises...I'm probly dead to her by now and maybe thats the way things should be."

I hugged Edward, and then laughed. "No Edward, you will never be dead to her, I can see it now... you will be in her future. Sooner or later... you will go back... and she will forgive you."

Still in the hug, he said "Please don't say that. She needs to be with someone like Mike, someone that can give her a normal life and everything that comes with it. I love her to much to think otherwise. Just let it go Alice... Please don't go back to see Bella, She needs to forget us."

I sighed, they will be together again, i can that, But i'm not going to push it; he will go when he's ready.


	4. Mike Newton

BELLA POV.

CHAPTER FOUR.

The sun was coming through my window, and that's what woke me up. I rolled over and sighed. The sun is hardly ever out; I really should go out and do something. This was a rear occasion; I decided to go outside a read romeo and julet. I knew i shouldn't be reading romance stuff like this, it would only make me think of Edward, but that was nothing new. Maybe later i would go down to La Push, Charlie wouldn't care, Plus it was a Saturday after all. I got up and picked out some old blue jeans and Edwards favorite blue shirt of mine to wear. I quickly got in and out of the bathroom. Charlie was already fishing with Billy, Maybe we could have dinner with Jake and Billy tonight. That should take my mind off of Edward for a while. I sighed, I was desperate for something to keep my mind off _him_. I grabbed my wrinkled copy of Romeo and Juliet and headed for the door.

It was semi warm outside but, the breeze had a bite to it. I grabbed my jacket just incase I got chillie. I took my place under a tree in Charlie's front yard, and got lost in the epic romance. I stopped to reflect on the words that Shakespeare wrote.

"Did my heart love till now? Forswear it, sight!/ For I ne'er saw true beauty till this night."

The words slowly sank in, It only reminded me of how dead my life was until Edward came along. How he caught my world on fire, and put the sun to shame. My world was nothing until i meet him... now, what was my world? look at me. mending my broken heart by reading a tragic love story. Maybe reading this would make my problems seem less important... together in death, at least they where 'together'. My love just left me for death... to face it alone. I sighed, now i would be thinking about this for the rest of the day. the voice in the back of my head mocked me, _you should have known this would happen, you never diserved him._

i heard something beside me, and jumped at the site of Mike Newton.

"OH GOD, mike.. you nearly gave me a heart attack." i tried to smile.

"Im sorry." he said laughen. "So this is how you spend your saturdays?" he continued.

The voice in the back of my head wouldn't shutup. _Edward doesn't love you anymore Bella, get that through your thick skull._

I was trying to ingnore it, but it was getting pretty hard.

"Hey you wonna go catch a movie?" he said after a long silence.

it started again,_ You where just a silly phase to him._

"YES." I said, i need a distraction. "Let me go inside and freshen up a bit."

I stood up and headed for the door.

I made a glance behind me, Mike was following me... He even followed me up the stairs. We stood awkwardly in my room, as i fiddled with my hair in the mirror.

"Umm.. so Jessica isn't going to mind is she? ...of course this is just a friend thing." i said suddently remebering Mike was taken by Jessica.

" Bella... Jessica and I broke up forever ago." he said with a laugh.

"Oh, I'm sorry... I've been a little out of it latley." i said turning around to face him.

_Alice didn't even come back Bella, face it. They never cared._

Mike was moving closer to me, saying something...I wasn't paying attention... the voice in my head was about to push me over the edge.

"Ahh..." was my brillant responce to whatever he said...

_Edward probly has his distractions._

my eyes where swelling in tears, was i going crazy? My heart started to beat real fast. and suddently my lips crashed with Mikes.

Mike pushed me onto my bed and climbed on top of me.

"No.. I can't." i said breaking free of the kiss.

_YOU DON'T DISERVE HIM._

tears where falling from my eyes. I cheated, I cheated on Edward. NO, Edward and I arn't together.. It not cheating. STILL! Edward is the only person i would ever want to be like this with. Edward was my first; and my last. I wouldnt willingly give myself to another guy. How could i do this?! I kissed Mike! I was literally making myself sick. Mike ingnored my comments and kept smoothering me with kisses.

"Mike, please get off of me." I was starting to get pissed, i knew he heard me the first time.

then suddently i felt his hand go up my shirt.

"MIKE!" i screamed before pushing him away.

he looked at me stunned. He leaned back down on top of me and whispered "come on.. you know you want to.." in my hear; while playing with my earlope with his teeth.

I was disgusted; with him and myself! then I tried one last time to push him off of me. nothing happened, he didn't move an inch. I knew what was coming, I had seen it acted out a hundred time in movies, and always wondered why the victoms always gave up trying to fight back. My nerves where in such shock i didn't have any streigth. I never knew Mike could do something like this. He place one hand over my mouth and begain to rip open my shirt. I started to hyperventilate.

I tried to call out for Edward, but it only came out as a muffled whisper in his hand.

"Edward..." Mikes eyes burned, He knew what I was tring to say

just then, my breath was cut short. and I was once again... alone in the darkness.

**writers note: **sorry if there is any miss spelled words, im kinda in a hurry but i will Edit later.

also.. just so you know, I didn't know if I wrote well enough to get through how bella was feeling,

but she was tring to seek comfort from Mike from the rejection of Bella, but quickly noticed that it was a HUGE mistake.

about the Rape; i didn't want to write to much into it.

im not to good/ or into writing lemons lol

alright well; please review!


	5. wakeing up

chapter five.

Bella's POV.

When something like this happens in life, its up to you weather to fight for parish. In my case, I'd parished the day Edward left me, again. My mind, and my body gave up, _I_ gave up. Coldness slipped into the darkness, covering every inch of me before pulling me back into the light. When i awoke, i was freezing. My bear body was limp. My head started to spin as i tried to remeber my truamatic last few seconds before the darkness devoured me. I wrapped myself up into a blanket, and set up.

_This is YOUR fault. _

The voice in my head yelled at me, i flinched. The voice was right, it was my fault... i kissed Mike, I started everything. I didn't have any bruises, because i didn't fight back. I gave up... i couldn't look at myself any longer. For once, i was glad Edward wasn't here to see my like this. _If _he cared, he would surely hate me now.

A month past by slowly, I obessed over what Mike Did. I was so discusted with myself; infact i was making myself sick, thinking about it so much. I couldn't get it out of my mind. I never left the house, out of fear of seeing Mike. I walked around like a zombie; My mind replaying _that_ day over and over. I never told charlie, i never told anymore. I would be leaving for collage soon, i Would never see these people again... what was the point?

i took a big gulp, as i had an epiphanie. _collage!_ I was still planning on going to Alaska for collage... would _they_ be there? did i need to tranfer somewhere else... just incase? i started to panic. Edward didn't want me anymore... Surely Alice would have seen what happened and told him, he didnt even return to see if i was okay. and Alice! i thought she cared... she never returned like she promised. I was starting to get overwelmed. i needed to talk to someone. I needed to get everything off my chest. Jacob! i knew he had called a few times sence the wedding... but i never returned his calls.

I didn't even call to see if he was there, i knew if i did, would probly freak out and talk myself out of it. I walked up to the door and placed my hand on the knob. My heart started to flutter, this was the first time i was going outside sence _that_ day.

"Bella, you can do this.. just 15 miles up the road and you will be safe." i spoke to myself slowly; trying to convince myself.

I truned the knob and cracked to door open to see if anyone was outside, no one was... so i made a run for it. As soon as i was in my truck, i cracked it and was on my way to Jacob's house. I usually would never push my truck over 50 miles per hour, but i was starting to get paranoid and pushed it up to 60 miles per hour.

soon i was pulling into Jacobs drive way.

**writers note: **sorry this is really short, and it kinda sucks lol BUT i working on the next chapter NOW, and it WILL be quiet interesting.

:D

and i will have it up really soon. the way i have the chapters planned... i had to cutt this one short.

so please leave me stuff :


	6. Jacob Black

CHAPTER SIX

BELLA POV.

I pulled up to Jacobs house, and sighed. i made it. I didn't know what all I was going to say to Jacob. Should i tell him about Mike? I justed need to talk. Jacob had a bad temper, and i didn't want Mike to go missing. I knew i only had a few seconds before someone knew i was here. i needed to make up my mind. Just then, Jacob stuck is head out the door, a big smile came across his face when he noticed it was me.

I opened my truck door a stepped out, "hey" i called.

he ran up to me and gave me a big hug, "Bella! Its about time!" he said with a laugh.

"Yea, i figured i'd come see what you where doing." i stated as we both walked into his house.

"nothing, I havent had anything to do really... sence your bloodsu-ehr-Edward and his family left we have cut down on running the lines, i've been bord out of my mind." he said with smile, regret danced in his eyes... I figured he was worried sence he brought up _them._

"oh, okay." was my brillant responce. i forced a smile to show him everything was okay.

"wheres your dad at?" i asked tring to start a conversation.

" i dont know acually, he was gone when i got up.. i guess he's okay. Im sure he's around here somewhere" he set down on the couch.

i took a set beside him, and start fiddling with my hands.

"bella" he began as he turned to me. "If you ever need to talk... im here, you know that. It just seems like somethings bothering you... If you ever need to talk... even about Edward, I'll listen."

Im going to tell him.. I need to tell someone. I HAVE to get this off my chest.

"well its not really about Edward." i said turning to him. "... But it does add on to the hole Edward thing."

Jacob gave me a weird look, he probly though this all revolved around Edward.

I didn't know how to say this.

I started to talk a few times, But couldn't find the right words... and just ended them with a sigh.

"Bella, just spit it out." he was getting impeitent.

"Mike... Newton..." then i sighed.

"well?" he stated.

"well, he raped me... But not really, see it was my fault i kissed him and gave him the impression to begin with.. but i didn't want to do _that_ and i told him no, but still..."

i looked up to see his expression. He didn't look angery, just hurt.

"Even if you kissed him, bella. He had no right to do that." i knew he was right, but i started it.

"have you told anyone?" he continued.

"No, just you." i sighed.

anger started to flicker across his face, "Bella, even if you did kiss Mike, where going to marry that bloodsucker... you may not know it, but you are inlove with me.. and if you would have choose me to begin with none of this would have happened, you would have never hurt like this Bella, I told you I would be better for you." his face was starting to get red.

I turned my head away, this wasn't what i needed. i need to be comforted not ridiculed by my chooses. tears begain to swell in my eyes. my breathing started to get cut short. My stomich twisted, i felt as if i was about to puke. I got up and started to run for the door, i needed to get out of here... the rooms grew small. and i started to weep franticly.

"Bella wait!" i though i heard Jacob call.

I slid into my truck and quickly turned the key. I pilled out pushed my truck to 60 miles per hour again. I need the comforts of my room, so i could lay there and cry for house on end. But what I needed most was Edward, and that thought only made me cry harder. I soon pasted the invisible La Push territory line.

With everything weighing down on me; i was crying so hard. I knew I should pull over to get myself to stop crying. It wasn't safe for me to be driving in this condiction, But the fear of Mike Kept me from stopping. I just needed to make it 10 more miles to my house.

_pitiful human girl, no wonder Edward left you._ the voice sounded sarcastic.

i wanted to scream shutup, but I knew it would only make me sound more crazy.

Out of no where, i saw something cross the road. i swerved to miss whatever it was, But suddently lost control of my truck and everything went back.

ALICE POV.

I had a vision of Bella, I wasn't sure what it meant, all i could see what blackness and bella's face. I was suprised i even seen that much, all my visions lately where nothing but fuzz. I didn't know what to do... should i tell Edward? It would certainly get him to go back to Forks. He needs to go when he's ready, when he finially realizes he might lose the best thing that has ever happened to him. Until then, He doesn't diserve Bella. I had been kind of hard on Edward, but I couldn't help it. I was just so fustrated with him. I decided to call Jasper and make him go check on Bella. since I promised Edward i wouldn't go see her, and i was like his support crutch right now... he would never let me leave his side, besides It might be hard on Bella to see me.

I dialed the number, and then stuck the phone to my ear.

"Alice?" Jasper said.

"Yea Jasper, It's me. Are you anywhere close to Edward?" I asked being cautious.

"No, what's wrong?" he started to get worried.

"I had a vision about Bella; I don't understand what it means...it was real fuzzy. I just saw a bunch of blackness and Bella's face. I'm reall worried about her Jasper. I was wondering since I promised Edward I wouldn't check on her and since it might be hard on Bella to see me, if... you would go see if she's ok?" i begged.

He was silent for a moment; I knew he didn't want to interfere with anything.

"please..." i said with a sweet voice.

He sighed, I knew he was going to give in, this made me smile.

"... okay, Alice."

"Thank you so much. I love you!" i said with a smile on my face, It was easy to get my way with Jasper. He was such a sucker when i pledded with him like this.

"I'll call you when i find out something, Im heading that way." he said.

I herd his car turn around, "Bye, I'll talk to you later."

"I love you" was the last thing he said before he hung up. All i had to do now was wait by the phone.

...this is going to be fun...

then i sighed.


	7. coma

CHAPTER SEVEN.

ALICE POV.

-FOUR HOURS WENT BY-

The phone finally rang, IT WAS JASPER!

"Hello?!" I said... the four hours had me very impatient.

"Alice, Bella was in a car accident. She's in a coma right now. It happened early this morning while she was leaveing Jacobs house. She has some head trauma, where her head hit the back window, and a broken arm." he said.

I was stunned; I knew I should have never left her. The guilt was overwelming.

"That's not all..." He said with a sigh.

I listened eagerly.

"Bella was pregnant,Alice. The baby died in the car accident, she was a little over a month pregnant." He said waiting for my reaction.

Why didn't i see this?! "What?!... was it.."

"Alice sweetie, that's not possible... I don't even think they've ever..." He knew I was asking if it was Edward child.

I cut him off; I've never told him that Edward and Bella had acually tried the night before the wedding, It wasn't my place to say anything. "But bella would never cheat on Edward, well... They aren't together so it wouldn't be cheating.. but still! I know Bella, and she wouldn't... and yes Jasper, they have. I'm sorry I never told you, but it was something private."

"So, what do you want to do ?" He asked.

"Wait there, I'm going to slip past Edward so he doesn't read my thoughts, I don't want him knowing about this till we find out who the father was... I'll tell everyone that I'm meeting you to go hunting, I'll be there soon." I hung up the phone in a hurry.

I was headed to Forks.

BELLA POV.

-four more hours went by-

Everything was so bright and blurry, I couldn't remember anything. My head was throbbing with pain.

"Bella...?" I heard a voice say.

I looked in the direction of where the voice was coming from; it was very hard to focus.

"Ja..Jasper?" I asked, Shocked.

"Bella there is something i need to ask you before you father comes back." He said.

I was a little confused. "What..." My head throbbed.

"I know you're in pain, but i NEED TO KNOW. Have you slept with anyone other than Edward?"

His question startled me, I was bearly coherent and my head was spinning from all the pain. Even through all that, I'm pretty sure i blushed. I didn't know what to say..

"Ahh..." My voice trimbled.

"Why?" was all i could force myself to say.

I focased on Jaspers face again. "Bella, I really hate to be the one to tell you this, but you lost your baby." He said looking at me wearily.

I was confused. "Excuse me?" maybe i was hearing thing from all this pain in my head.

He looked at me shocked.

"Bella, You where a little over a month pregant.. you didn't know??...The impact of the accident caused you to have a miscarrage. Alice is on her way now."

My face burned. MIKE! I didn't even think about this, being pregant. I was so wrapped up in what mike did to me, I didn't stop to even think about him not useing protection. THAT IDIOT! guilt washed over me. I killed a poor unborn child. MY unborn child... I SHOULD HAVE PULLED OVER.

My brain was overloaded. I was about to start panicking when i felt a calm rush over me. I knew the cause was Jasper. I realized I didn't even notice i miss my period...My head was still spinning from the pain.

Jasper got up and quickly paged the nurse.

Before i knew what was happening i was sleeping again, peacefully.

ALICE POV.

I ran up the steps of Forks hospital, and met Jasper in the hallway.

"SO??" I said as I ran up.

"She woke up a little while ago." He said, calmly.

"Did you get to ask her anything?" I was wondering how he could be so calm about everything.

"Apparently she didn't even know she was pregnant... and when i asked her if she had been with anyone else, she didn't answer. Her face did turn scarlet red, so i took that as a yes."

My eyes grew big. Jasper had to be wrong, Bella would never sleep with anyone else. That wasn't like her at all, i need to talk to bella, she'd tell me the trust.

Jasper's eyes quickly focused on something behind me, I turned to see what he was stareing at. Charlie. I needed to think of something quick!

"Alice?" Charlie said while walking up.

"Hey Charlie."

"What are you doing here?" he asked looking around, i asummed he was looking for Edward.

"Jasper and I came back to pick up a few things, and we heard about Bella, We came to check on her."

"I just got back from getting her stuff, They are letting her go tonight. I think she'll be okay."

"So where have you been?" he continued.

" We've been up north visiting family." i noticed Jaspers eyes darted to me, i knew i was saying to much.

"Have you got to talk to her yet?" he asked heading to Bella's room.

"No, I havent but she woke up not to long ago." I said. "Hey, we have to go.. but I'll stop by and check up on her later."

charlie glanced back "Okay hun."

Jasper looked over at me as we made it to our cars. "So what do we do know?"

"Well i'm going to talk to Bella tonig, I have to make sure she's okay."

Jasper just nodded.

I have do find out what happened,

has Bella moved on?

or Should i go get Edward myself

and drag him back here.


	8. the way home

Writer's note:

Sorry I haven't been able to update in the past few days. I'll have at least two chapters up really soon. Promise

:D

CHAPTER EIGHT:

Bella POV.

Charlie didn't say much on the way home, and to be honest, I was glad. I'd never felt more anger or guilt in my life. I don't think I could take question or a lecture right now. How could Mike do this? How could I do this? I never should have left the house. I tried to swallow the guilt that was lodged in my throat. Stupid Mike. I wanted to curl up into a ball and lay there for years, but I couldn't. I wouldn't allow Mike to have that kind of control over me. All of my fear of Mike had turned into hatred. I would no longer let this boy dictate my happiness. This whole situation gave me clarity. I would no longer let Mike keep me from wanting to leave the house, and I would no longer worry about Edward. One thing was still bothering me, though: Jasper. He was far from what I expected to see when I woke up. I remembered his face when I woke up. It was twisted; I couldn't figure out if it was pity or if he was actually worried. The last time Jasper and I were this close was my tragic birthday party when he tried to pounce on me. Apparently he was more in control of himself these days.

By the time we reached the house, my mind was all over the place. I told Charlie I needed some alone time and headed to my room. I finally forced myself to think about the baby; how I had destroyed a poor, defenseless child's life. Of course I would have kept the baby, even under the condition; I would never take a life away by abortion. I lay on my bed and pondered the thoughts of the kid I would have had. I didn't cry; tears couldn't even to begin to describe how I feel now. In a daze of all my thoughts, I remembered something Jasper had said. I was still shaken up but I remember him saying that Alice was coming. I wasn't going to get my hopes up; maybe he was just saying that to cheer me up. If that was so, why would he be there in the first place?

That's when I heard something at my window. I got up slowly; my hands trembling. A million things where running in my mind. Mike was the first. What if he heard about the baby and the accident? What if it was Jasper? I took a deep breath and stepped closer to the window. The face was slowly becoming clear. ALICE! For a fleeting moment I was happy; she came back! She slipped through the window before I could even realize what was happening, greeting me with a big hug.

"Alice..." I began; I was trying to be strong; trying to hold back the tears. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to check on you, to see if you where okay. But you're in worse shape than when I left you."

I looked down at myself. Considering everything that had happened in the past couple months I thought I looked okay.

"Bella, please tell me what's going on? You were pregnant? I haven't seen anything... I hate being so blind. Please tell what happened?" she begged.

Crap. How was I supposed to explain this to her? I didn't want Edward to know what all happened to me, and even if she doesn't tell him, he could just read her thoughts. What if they get so mad they kill Mike...? I didn't want that at all, Of course what he did was wrong, but I didn't want him to die because of that. Even if Edward still cared I don't want him to think I cheated or got over him.

I was in a daze staring at the floor when I heard her call my name. "Bella?" she said with concerned eyes.

Crap. Crap. Crap. I sighed... I couldn't think of anything to tell her...I would have to tell her the truth.

A quick chill went up my spin and I realized the source was Alice's hands; they where gently holding mine. I looked up to meet her gaze, and her eyes pleading with mine.

I sighed. I would have to tell her the truth.

"Alice," my voice was breaking. "You have to promise me that you won't get mad or do anything crazy. Okay?" If she promised, she couldn't do anything. Could she?

She gave me a quick nod.

"Well, a little over a month after you guys left, Mike came by, and ..." This was harder to say than I thought it would be. I couldn't look at Alice while I said this. I was so ashamed. "I was gonna go to the movies with him, hoping it would take my mind off things. But..." I continued. How was I supposed to tell her I heard a voice in my head that pushed me over the edge?

"Umm. Well I kinda had this voice in my head tell him that you and Edward never cared..." I looked up; her face was twisted with confusion. "It's hard to explain, but I kissed Mike, and he took it the wrong way... but it was my fault because I started it...but I _did_ say 'no' to that..." I had a feeling I wasn't explaining myself very well.

I looked up to see if she was understanding me, but she hugged my so quickly I didn't have a chance to see her face. "Mike raped you?" she asked in a sour voice.

All I could do was give her a quick nod.

"I never should have left you Bella! I'm so sorry. Mike will pay for this... I promise you."

"NO! ...please Alice, I just want to forget about this whole thing. Please just drop it."

She sighed.

Suddenly her phone rang.

"Hello?" she said.

After a second of pause she looked at me. "Can Jasper come up?"

I nodded. This was getting a little weird, but I was happy that they were here, even Jasper.

Alice hung up and then Jasper was there, standing right behind her.

I jumped; Jasper noticed and mumbled "sorry".

"It's okay." I was a little embarrassed, I wished I wasn't so jumpy.

There was an awkward silence for a moment then Alice spoke. "Bella, Jasper and I are moving back to Forks."

I noticed I had a big smile on my face when Alice chuckled a little. I had my best friend back! I didn't need any guy as long as I had a best friend.

"Okay, sleep time for the human," she said with a laugh then kissed my cheek.

"I'll see you tomorrow," she said, then turned around and before leaving my room Alice gave Jasper a light kiss, then they where gone.

My heart sank. Who was I kidding? Alice wouldn't be able to fill the hole in my heart where Edward used to be. Of course I missed Alice a lot and now that I have her back things would probably be a little better but... there is still a big gap in my heart where Edward used to be.


	9. my perfect family

CHAPTER NINE.

ALICE POV

Lying in my old bed was comforting; I really missed the way things used to be. Jasper's hands wrapped around me as I sighed.

"I'm really worried about Bella," he said. This caught me off guard. Jasper was always so wary of Bella. Almost acting like he didn't like her at times. I rolled over to look at his face.

"What are you so worried about?" His face actually looked twisted with pain.

"Tonight while we were in her room, I was getting so many different feelings that it was almost unbearable." he said.

"She looked like she was holding up pretty good to me."

"That's not what she's feeling. I can't even think of a word to describe it; there was so much guilt, pain, and loneliness." His eyes stared off into space.

"We really need to be there for her, I really do think she's headed for a mental breakdown," he continued to say.

"We?" That caught me off guard again. "Aren't you the one who usually doesn't like to interfere?" I demanded.

"You didn't really think I was going to let you do this alone, did you?" he said kissing my forehead, and I couldn't help but smile.

Suddenly... I had a vision.

"Crap." I said out loud, not meaning to.

"What it is? What did you see?" Jasper asked.

"Edward will be calling your phone looking..." the phone rang.

"What should I say?" he asked me,

"Hand me the phone."

"Hello?" I said. Jasper looked worried.

"Alice? When are you and Jasper planning on getting back from hunting?" he asked.

I decided to tell him the truth. "Jasper and I aren't hunting. We're in Forks."

"What?" his voice went flat.

"Bella needs us here, and unlike you I'm not willing to turn my back on her." I was starting to get snappy.

"ALICE!" he voice was yelling now. "YOU NEED-"

I cut him off "NO Edward, I'm not coming back. Like I said, Bella needs us here. Her life has only gotten worse since you left. I'm not going to leave her broken like this. She's my sister. Tell Esme and Carlisle that Jasper and I are moving back to the old house," I finished.

The phone line went dead. I figured he had most likely broken the phone with his hand. I turned my hand to look at Jasper; he was staring at me with wide eyes.

"What do you think about changing Bella?" I asked.

His eyes grew even wider.

"Alice, be realistic here. Bella has been through a lot lately, and think about her father." he said.

"Yea I know, and if I change her now maybe she won't remember any of this."

He sighed. "If you're really considering it... I think we should wait 'till she leaves for college, for her father's sake."

"Regardless, she's my sister, and if this is still what she wants than I'll give it to her myself."

I heard him sigh

I love Bella, and I would love for her to be part of the family. Edward might be stupid enough to give her up, but I'm not.


	10. apologize

CHAPTER TEN

ALICE POV.

This house has never been so empty. As much as I was enjoying the alone time with Jasper I started to miss my family…even Edward. Jasper's hand tightened around mine. I knew was dealing with a lot of emotion I've never dealt with before; and so did he. I tried not to let this get to me. I had other stuff to deal with; _Mike._ I don't see why Bella refused to let us kill him. There was not a doubt in my mind that he deserved it.

"Alice, sweetie, please relax." Jasper said. He must have notice that my emotions were all over the place.

I sighed.

Just then several images grabbed my mind and sent me into a trance; I was having a vision.

"What was it?" Jasper asked in a cool voice.

"Carlisle will call in 40 seconds," I said in a hurry, trying to build up my courage.

Carlisle wasn't my biological father, but he still was my father, and I was just as scared of him as a girl would be of her father when she has done something wrong.

The phone rang... once…twice...

_Come one Alice, stand up for what you think is right._

"Hello." I asserted rather than asking.

"Alice." This wasn't a question either.

"Yes?" I said anyways.

"You're in forks." Still not a question.

"Yes, we are." I made sure I said 'we'. Jasper was just as much in this as I was.

I heard a sigh.

"Alice, listen to me. I know you love Bella. We all do, but this is Edward's decision, not yours.

"Bella means no more to Edward than she does to me."

"You know I didn't mean it like that."

"Carlisle, this is my choice, and I choose to be there with Bella."

"You must consider what this is doing to Edward."

"Have you even considered what this is doing to Bella?!" His demand outraged me.

"Yes, I have. This is why it's more of Edward's decision to make; their emotions are more at stake here." he implied.

"My heart matters in this situation, too," I muttered.

"Alice, Edward is gone. None of us know where he is, but we _do _know that he is headed your way."

"I haven't seen anything."

"We will see you soon." he said.

"Are you all coming back?" I asked.

"No. Not till a decision is made," he continued "We are staying out of this one."

"Goodbye," I whispered in a sad voice.

"Goodbye Alice," he said before hanging up the phone.

As soon as Jaspers hand touched mine, I had another vision.

"Oh no..." I whispered.

BELLA POV.

Edward cast a shadow onto every wall. We had so many memories in this room. College would be starting soon. I would have a new room, and new memories to make. The freedom seemed a little intimidating; I was startling all over, a clean slate. I wondered where Alice was going for college. If she's even going...My hair was a mess, a little on the wavy side, so I just let it hang. After getting ready, I decided to write Renee. While waiting for the computer to turn on my thoughts flickered to Jacob. I knew I hurt him pretty bad, but I had been expecting to show up as soon as he heard that Edward had left.

I was about to start writing to Renee, when something out of the corner of my eye caught my attention. I jumped out of my seat and sighed when I realized it was only Alice and Jasper.

"What's wrong?" I asked when I noticed the panic on her face.

"Mike," she hissed.

I bit my tongue as I saw Japer drop into a crouch.


	11. confessions

CHAPTER ELEVEN:

BELLA POV.

As Jasper crouched into a fighting position, I couldn't help but let the panic spread across my face. I wouldn't allow another death to be my fault; I couldn't allow it! The guilt of my unborn child's death still weighed down on me. Alice started to walk to my bedroom door; I could hear a low growl in her chest. I quickly stepped in front of Alice as I heard a knock at the front door. The growl in her chest instantly got louder. I couldn't just let her kill Mike; No matter what happened no one deserved to die.

"Wait!" I said "Please..." I had to be strong... I had to.

She looked at me with furious eyes. I swallowed my fear and began to speak.

"You don't know what he is here for. Besides, no good will come of you killing him." I insisted, trying to convince her.

"Bella, he rapped you! He deserves much worse than death!" She hissed in a not so calm voice.

I glanced at Jasper, I didn't want to news of my rape to be so public... I sighed in defeat. If he didn't already know... well, he did now.

"Look. Let me go down and see what he wants. You can wait up here... and if he tries anything... you guys can come down." I was pleading.

She just looked at me with fury in her eyes.

"Please Alice, I don't want another person to die because of me." The guilt from the death of my baby was almost unbearable; I spent most of my days trying not to think about it.

Jasper's hand rose to Alice's shoulder. Jasper of all people should know how I felt.

"Let her go. We're right here. Nothing will happen to her." He said in a stern voice.

Alice sighed, giving up.

I turned around and started down the stairs. I didn't know what I going to say…to be honest I was still terrified of Mike. But I had decided a couple days ago that I wasn't going to let guys dictate my happiness, so I guess this was my first step. I needed to get over the fear of Mike. Besides, I had two vampires waiting upstairs if anything did go wrong. The fact that Jasper and Alice were only a couple feet away was a little comforting.

I stood in front of the door as he knocked again. I took in a deep breath and opened the door. Mike's face came as a surprise to me; there was an edge to it. An edge of pleading and sorrow.

"Can I speak with you?" he asked quietly before I could say a word.

I nodded quickly and let him inside.

I was a little uneasy having Mike back in my house. But I needed this; I needed to get this all out in the open. Maybe I could forget this horrible nightmare if I finally confronted it.

We both took a seat on the couch.

"Bella, I'm really sorry for what happened." he began. But I wasn't giving in that easily. When someone is murdered, you can't just apologize your way out of it. I sighed; I shouldn't compare myself to someone being murdered. If anything...I should be the one charged with murder.

"I took things too far... I realize that now." He seemed to be having trouble finding the right words.

"And when I heard about the baby..." He said looking at his hands.

I had to say something..."Mike I don't blame you...I mostly blame myself... I was seeking comfort from a broken heart... I knew you liked me... I lead you on." I confessed.

He raised his hand a put them on the sides of my face... like Edward used to. I jumped at first, not sure if I was okay with him touching me.

"Bella...I don't just like you... I love you. I always have...ever since the first moment I saw you. I made myself think that this was right...that what I did was right. I made myself think ... that you wanted to. I shouldn't have taken advantage of you. All I ended up doing was hurting you and losing our baby." The guilt in his voice was unbearable.

That's when it hit me; Mike was just in as much pain as me. I had to forgive him. We both just needed to move on from this nightmare.

He dropped his hands and sighed. I couldn't help but think of the way he had said _our _baby. Flashes went through my mind of what our family would have been like... if the baby had lived, but at the end of the images of the happy family... Edwards face appeared. His face; so perfect, so god-like. I dropped my eyes. I knew my heart still belonged to him. The only problem was I can't trust him, and most importantly he doesn't even want me...

I shot another look at Mike pained face.

"I think it would be best if we just move on with our lives... act like none of this ever happened... there just to much pain...I don't want to be crippled by this pain anymore"

He nodded.

Jasper appeared, running down the stairs almost too fast...

"BELLA!" he called.

"I have to go." Mike jumped up and walked towards the door. I could tell he was at war with himself over what he had done. He probably didn't want an audience to his emotions. Little did he know Jasper was feeling everything he was feeling.

"Bye..." I whispered toward Mike.

Hatred became like a food for me. My soul was feeding off of it. I had forgiven Mike, now I just need to forgive myself...

ALICE POV.

I couldn't help but eavesdrop; I couldn't believe Bella was being such a push over... and was actually considering forgiving him. I may not be able to read minds but I do find it very easy to read Bella's face.

"He really is sorry, you know." Jasper said.

"That still doesn't mean he should be forgiven." I said sourly.

Jasper jumped up as images kicked down the doors of my mind; I was having a vision.

Edward was here, listening to the conversation.

I shot a quick glance at Jasper.

He was staring out the window.

"You need to talk to him, now...if you hurry, you can catch him. He's headed into the woods.

I don't like the feeling I was getting off him."

I made a launch out the window, pushing myself to its limits.

Catching up with Edward wasn't going to be easy.

JASPER POV.

After Bella whispered a goodbye to Mike, she looked at me with eager eyes.

"Edward's here." The words rolled off my tongue.

"What...?" She gasped.

She started to breathe really heavy, and shake a little.

I wanted to go comfort her, but I didn't want to get that close to her. I was growing really fond of Bella... I didn't want another accident to happen like her eighteenth birthday...


	12. return

CHAPTER TWELVE.

EDWARD POV

I had sworn to myself that I wouldn't come back. Surely she hated my by now...and I couldn't blame her if she did. I just needed to know if she was okay. I kept telling this to myself over and over, trying to convince myself. And as I slowly came up on Bella's house, voices flooded my mind.

Jasper: _maybe I should make things a little easy for them down there..._

Alice: _Bella is such a pushover when it comes holding a grudge..._

I grew even more curious to what was going on down there. I tuned Alice and Jasper out, and tried to focus on the voices downstairs.

_Mike_...what was he doing there...?

_How will I ever get her to forgive me? I'm such a horrible person; I can't believe I did this..._

I was close enough now to understand what he was saying...

"I took things to far... I realize that now." his voice said aloud.

I listened more eagerly.

"And when I heard about the baby..."

I was a little more than confused...I listened for his thoughts.

_Of course if would have asked Bella to marry me after she forgave me...IF she forgave me... Everything would have been perfect. _

_Our family... Myself... Bella...and our child. If only I would have come sooner…you're such an idiot Mike!_

My whole world seemed to shake as my knees started to tremble.

Those words he thought pierced holes in my heart.

I clinched my fists. I was so stupid for ever leaving her!

Stupid for letting her turn to Mike.

How had I let this happen again? Why did I drive her into the arms of another man?

I couldn't listen anymore. I had to get away...I just started to run...

I escaped as fast as I could to our meadow.

ALICE POV.

I was running as fast as I could... His scent was close. I didn't know what I was going to say. What would you say to someone under these circumstances? I started to slow down as Edward's image came into my sight. He was sitting there, his head in his hands. I was now walking at a human pace; I didn't want to run up on him. One thing was for sure; I had to be careful with my thoughts.

"Edward?" I whispered.

He was silent for a moment. I took another step closer...

"Is it true? Are she and Mike together?"

"No." my reply was simple. He should know better than to assume something so absurd. Bella has better taste than Mike.

"Well can you please tell me something... since you're not letting me in your head?"

I had to choose my words carefully.

"Mike was there to apologize." I hastened to say, answering the question before he could ask.

Confusion swept across his face.

I sighed, bracing myself... here it goes.

"Mike raped Bella a couple of months ago. She got pregnant…and she had a miscarriage." I tried to keep it simple again; I didn't have time for details...and I knew Edward was about a second away from exploding.

His hands were clenched into fists. He was getting ready to run. I had to stop him; he would kill Mike...

I threw myself at him. Our bodies crashed together like a head-on car collision.

"Get out of my way Alice!!" he roared.

"NO! You can't! Bella doesn't want it this way... you will only hurt her more..."

I spoke as quickly as possible.

I decided to let him into my mind... throwing down the walls I had learned to build against him. He sighed.

"She thinks it's her fault?" He demanded.

"Yes."

"Do you see now why I have decided to stay?" I asked

His head fell into his hands.

"She needs us... She needs you." I said trying to get through to him.

Edward gave me one last look before shoving me to the side. I let him go; I wasn't going to try and stop him again...He knew everything he needed to know. I was torn; I would love nothing more than for Mike to die, but if Edward did kill Mike it would only make things worse for him and Bella.

BELLA POV

My breathing became uneasy as Jasper spoke of Edward. A rush of emotions coursed through me. Edwards back... He came back... Did he come back for me? Jasper started to inch closer to me. His hand rose a bit, as if he wanted to comfort me, but he quickly pulled back and leaned against the wall. Images... thoughts... memories... of Edward flooded my mind. I was going into panic mode. Suddenly I didn't feel so panicky anymore... Now maybe I could think clearly... My life lately was nothing but chaotic. Now much more than ever, all I needed was simple clarity.

"Thank you." I whispered, knowing Jasper was the reason for my clear thoughts and steady breathing.

He nodded.

It took me a minute to find the words I wanted to ask, "Where is he? Why is he here?"

Jasper took in a death breath, "He's gone now, Alice went to get him... I suppose he is here to for you..." He said while eyeing me carefully.

Jasper's abilities may have made me calm, but the shock of Edwards return was still lingering.

In this mist of my cluttered thinking Jasper's phone rang catching me off guard.

"Hey?" It sounded more like a question...

He nodded a couple times, "See you soon." He said before hanging up.

His eyes met mine; I guess my eyes held a lot of questions, because before I could ask anything he was answering every question.

"That was Alice...she saw Edward... She is on her way back now."

I'd been sitting on this couch for what felt like hours. First Mike's... Now Edward's return... I needed some fresh air. I stood up and started pacing back a forth around the room, Jasper's eyes never leaving my face.

_What if Edward is with her now? On his way back with her? What should I say to him? ... Should I be mad about the way he left me? Or should I beg for him to take me back...? I don't know where I stand anymore... I don't know how I should feel_. Thinking back over the last couple of months and how I'd have acted... I started to question my sanity and the choices I'd made.

When I turned back around to continue my pacing, Alice was standing by Jasper glaring at me. I jumped at the sight of her... I wasn't prepared to see her so soon.

"Where is he?" I asked almost instantly.

"He had a lot of questions... after I answered them...he took off." She said in a sour tone.

I felt my head sink a little. "What kind of questions?"

"Mostly about you and Mike... but he isn't the only one that has questions Bella." her icy tone and piercing eyes made her actually look like a vampire

"What do you mean?" I asked innocently, sitting back down onto the couch.

"You forgave Mike" This wasn't a question. Suddenly I felt as if I was on trial. I knew Alice was really upset about my choices... I started to question my sanity all over again. Was forgiving Mike a mistake?

I had to say someone before Alice did.

"Look Alice, I know this doesn't make a lot of sense to you... but it does to me. This whole situation was one big mistake... and I just want to forget it and _move on._" I looked up to make sure she had gotten that last part. "And so does Mike, that's why I forgave him... neither one of us needs to let this mistake control our life any longer. I'm leaving soon, and I want this to stay behind with the rest of the bad memories." I continued.

Alice sighed, and I could tell she was also questioning my sanity. I had been thinking about something before the whole Mike and Edward issue... and I'd wanted to ask Alice about it... I guess now wouldn't hurt, maybe this would make her forget about being mad...

"There is another thing I wanted to talk to you about... As you know, College starts in a month... and, well, I already paid. _BUT... keep in mind _Carlisle already promised he would change me if I wanted...I know things didn't work out the way they where planned, but I still want to...you know... change... and since Edward and I aren't really together... I was kind of hoping you would change me...I couldn't think of anyone better to do it than my sister." I was trying to butter her up. "And I was kind of hoping... that BOTH of you would move to Alaska with me." I half smiled when I realized Alice's eyes had gotten bigger.

I've always said there was no point in forever without Edward so I hoped she wouldn't see my motives behind wanting to be changed. I knew that it sounded a little pathetic, and Edward doesn't want me NOW, but, later... he might. I would wait forever for him...

EDWARD POV

When I ended the conversation with Alice, I just started to walk. It took every thing I had not to run to Mike's house and murder him right then and there. I need to clear my head... so I kept my mind on Bella. Bella was the only thing in this life that could keep me grounded. I remembered the way she used to blush whenever I entered the room, how her smile would steal my breath. I was just too busy writing our tragedy rather than appreciating what I had. I was so caught up in what _might_ go wrong, and what would be better that I never stopped to realize my fortune.

I was walking by the school when I noticed Mikes scent; he was still here.

I stood by his car as I tried to convince myself that it would only hurt Bella more...

Looking up, I noticed Mike crossing the street. As soon as he saw me he went rigid and stiff...

Who was I kidding? Bella already hated me. She would never take me back... what do I have to lose?

_He looks pissed. Surely Bella didn't tell him... oh shit._

His heart beat started to race.

I started to walk closer. He deserved much worse than what he was about to get…


	13. the wait

Chapter 13

Jasper POV

I wasn't the only one caught off guard by Bella's requests. I shot a glance at Alice and noticed her eyes growing larger. I guess she didn't see this one coming...I started to wonder if Alice was _prepared_ enough to change Bella, She would never forgive herself if she lost control...

"Bella I don't know if I have that much self control..."Alice's voice was faint and full of doubt.

She glanced over at me, her eyes full of worry. I decided to cut into the conversation...

"Let Alice think it over, and we will talk about moving... but for right now, we have more important things to go over."

Bella gave me a quick nod and I heard Alice sigh in relief. There _were_more important things to worry about: Edward. We all knew that Edward had a bad temper, and we need to get the rest of the family down just incase he decides to do something stupid. I looked up to see Alice smiling at me.

"Good thinking, Emmett has been dying to see Bella anyways..." she said trying to lighten the mood.

I headed for the door, dialing Carlisle's number...

Bella POV.

Alice took a seat beside me as I watched Jasper exit the room.

"Where is he going?" I asked, confused

"He is calling Carlisle to get everyone to come back..." She murmured while playing with my hair. I leaned my head back and tried to relax.

"Bella... I would love to change you... you know I want to you join my family...but... let's see what's going on with Edward before we set anything in stone, okay?" She asked solemnly.

"Okay... I just need to know something before school starts." I really didn't see the point in going all the way up there if I was going to be alone.

Alice continued to play with hair as I pondered everything that has happened. I wondered if Edward was thinking clearly when he left me _again_... I mean, sure Victoria was gone... but what about the Volturi? They where still coming for me, or did he even care? Then it hit me; what if Alice decides that she's not strong enough...what if she decides she can't? I need to be sure that Carlisle will not go back on his promise. I HAVE to be sure Carlisle is still willing.

"Bella honey, are you okay? Your heart is racing..." Alice said, a bit concerned.

"Did Edward even think about the Volturi?" I demanded. Alice looked a little stunned for a moment.

"I don't think Edward is thinking very clearly... don't worry, I'm still watching for the official command. We'll know when they decided to come." Her words where very reassuring.

"I have to change..." the words didn't want to come out...

"I have to change before you leave again..." I felt a huge wave of regret wash over me after I finished my sentence. I was afraid to look at Alice, fearing my words might have hurt her.

"I'm not leaving Bella, and even if I do leave... I'll take you with me." she said with a smile.

"Besides, you'll be one of us in less than a month... whether it's by me ... or Carlisle, you're a part of this family... it's about time we make it official." She said with a light laugh.

I smiled, hoping she wouldn't see my weakness, that I was still afraid. Afraid of the actual change... and of the wait. My time was running out... with the Volturi...and I would soon be turning nineteen. _Less than a month_ I told myself over and over; I just have to survive one more month.

"Alice?" I said getting her attention. "Can you make sure its okay with Carlisle... if you decided you can't," I continued.

"Of course." She smiled brightly at me, and I couldn't help but smile back.

Edwards POV

_Bella will never forgive me. She will never even consider taken me back... dammit Edward get a hold of yourself, are you willing to have Bella hate you for the rest of your life? Are you willing to hurt her like this?!_

I was trying to talk myself into leaving Mike, simply..._alive. _It took everything I had to keep myself from tear him apart right then and there.

I took in a deep breath.

_**Bella.**_

I sighed.

I had to control myself. I WILL NOT let Mike ruin my chances to apologize to Bella.

If anyone was to blame here, it was me.

_Blame yourself, you moron. _I told myself over and over, trying to talk myself out of what was about to happen...

A quick movement broke my train of thought, and I realized Mike was taking a few steps back.

His movement triggered even more rage... justice needed to find him.

I shook my head quickly, trying to clear it. Bella was the only thing important to me...I closed my eyes and tried to remember Bella, and how she would flush scarlet red every time I complemented her.

I needed to find stable ground.

I clenched my fists tightly and slowly turned around.

I tried to remember her face, and how she looked when I first proposed.

I started to walk slowly.

_Bella. _I thought her name as I took in another a deep breath.

Controlling my anger was the first step back to my Bella.


End file.
